


when we fall apart

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Series: remember my last [5]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: American Revolution, Historical Hetalia, M/M, POV First Person, Revolutionary War, Songfic, the plague from the prince of Egypt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 15:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3654855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>America and Britain are entering a war that they are sure will tear them apart forever- yet there is still hope in the end.</p><p> </p><p>"If we do not end war, war will end us." -H. G. Wells</p>
            </blockquote>





	when we fall apart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheGoliathBeetle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoliathBeetle/gifts), [Zeplerfer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeplerfer/gifts).



> Code for lyrics:  
> bold italics- America  
> underlined italics- BritainBritain  
> bold regular- past

**_Thus saith the Lord, thus saith the Lord, thus saith the Lord..._ **

I love being your younger brother. We are similar in so many ways- an independent streak, bad taste in food, an honest heart, and most of all a normally kind, sympathetic spirit, though you try to hide it, seeing it as a sign of weakness.

But I can see through that. I can always tell when you are upset and when you are happy, when you need comfort and when you need peace (not that I give it to you most of the time). You are the best older brother, the one I wished for when I had no one. Even though you can be stern and though you do leave at times, going for years without me seeing you, I love you.

But I don't think you ever truly notice.

 

_**Since you refuse to free my people** _

_**All through the land of Egypt** _

You won't give me any rights, England. You hold me close and won't let me make my own decisions. I love you, but I can't do this. I **won't** do this anymore.

I just want my freedom, my own place. I want to be like you, with my own house and my own little siblings. I want you to be proud of me, to be able to look at me and say, "Yes, I know him. He's a leader, isn't he?"

I want to be like the heroes in the stories you tell me. I want to be free, England. Can't you please just give me that?

 

_I send a pestilence and plague into your house, into your bed_

I am feeling old. I've been fighting with France for hundreds of years, and now a new fight is beginning. A fight with you, a brother that I raised and loved with all my heart. At least little Canada is still with me.

I feel guilty for never noticing him before.

 

_Into your streams, into your streets, into your drink, into your bread_

_Upon your cattle, upon your sheep, upon your oxen in your field_

I miss you so much. It feels as if a gaping hole has been torn in my heart, one that could never be filled. I am an old man. I have betrayed so many people and have been betrayed by so many in my time, but never has it hurt as much as this.

I still love you even though you abandoned me. Dear god above, I care about you so much it almost breaks my heart.

Something mysterious happens. A knock comes from the door. I rise out of my chair by the window, gathering the blanket around him. The rain patters down outside, reminding me of simpler times when you were a child. When it had rained your little self would curl up on the couch by the fire, laying your head in my lap, and I would tell you stories.

I walk to the door and open it. My eyes register surprise when I see who it is. "America?" I gasp.

"Something of the sort, England," The man on the porch says. Pulling down the hood of his cloak, he asks, "May I please come in? It's a bit chilly out here."

I realize that there is in fact something different about this man who looks like you, my teenaged younger brother. The man's posture is a little straighter, his blue eyes just a shade darker, his white uniform just too clean for the messy little brother I used to think I knew so well. However, courtesy demands I be polite while trying to figure out who the man was.

"Of course," I reply, pulling open the door. "This way, please." I show the strange man to the living room, where I had been watching the rain fall down. I start toward the fireplace to light it, but the stranger steps in front of me and gently ushers me back to my seat.

"Let me do it, my liege," the man says, then goes over and tends to the fire. He sets the kettle boiling, then slides into the seat across from me.

"Who are you?" I ask.

"You're obviously a bit shocked and confused, older brother. Well, let me set things straight for you. I'm the side of America still loyal to you, but people know me as Benedict," The man says as he unclasps his cloak and pulls it off, revealing a pristine white and red military uniform beneath.

"So you're America?" I repeated, thoughts racing through my head.

"Yes," Benedict confirms.

"So who's the man rebelling against me? Is that America as well?"

"A tainted America. One with wild ideas of freedom and secession running through his head. I will help you deal with him."

 

**_Into your dreams, into your sleep, until you break, until you yield!_ **

**_I send the swarm, I send the horde,_ **

I meet a man named Benedict today. He is staunchly loyal to you and tries to persuade me to give up and return to you. He even frightens me a bit because he **is** me! Or at least he looks like me.

I ask France about him, and he says that when countries fight revolutions or civil wars a new soul often emerges. He says he's heard that it's an ugly thing, but often remedied when one side wins and the two halves merge again. He says he is happy that it has never happened to him.

 

_Thus saith the Lord!_

Benedict is a godsend. He helps me out with everything- shows me how to navigate the territory, as he's so familiar with it, and helps me in connecting with his troops. But there's something off, something different. He's a bit too willing to answer to me, a bit too complacent.

You were never like that. You were a fantastic younger brother, but you always had that independent streak, that spark of life that would never fully submit to another.

 

_Once I called you brother_

**I remember it...don't you? The day I met you, the day I saw how kind you were. You chose me as your brother over the Frog, and I saw how kind you were, how you would rather choose to comfort a man in pain than get nice food.**

**You were better than me, that's a fact.**

**You were also stronger than me, as I learned when I saw you swinging that bull around. In that moment I knew you were going to be a great country some day, greater than me and possibly the greatest the world had ever seen.**

**For for now I just wanted to keep you safe and close, my little brother.**

 

**_Once I thought the chance to make you laugh_ **

**_Was all I ever wanted..._ **

**"No way, is it really okay for me to have it?" I said.**

**"Course it is," You say, "I did make it special just for you, America."**

**"Oh, man...this is cool!" I turned to face you, "Thanks, Mr. Britain, sir!"**

**"Ahahahaha..." You chuckled good naturedly. "Take good care of it. After all, I nearly broke my hand while I was piecing it together.**

**"Wow..." I said, turning back to the toy soldiers, "I've got my very own toy soldiers! You made all their faces different!"**

**"I painted each individual figure separately," You said.**

 

_I send the thunder from the sky, I send the fire raining down!_

_And even now, I wish that God had chose another_

As I pace impatiently in my tent, awaiting news of your advances, Benedict walks in. "Is there anything you need, milord?" he asks respectfully, and I just shake my head wearily.

He's wearing on me, chafing at my nerves in a way you never did. Sure, you were overly independent as a child, always getting yourself in trouble of some sort, but that was a refreshing sort of annoyance rather than just being an irritation. 

Normally I prefer to have non-rebellious colonies, but you were different, and that was exactly why I loved you.

 

**_Serving as your foe on his behalf_ **

**_Is the last thing that I wanted..._ **

Don't you understand? I never wanted to go war with you. I just wanted my own house,  and I thought you would freely give it. Dammit, England, I thought you would understand. You did the same thing to the rest of Europe, right?

Can't you just get it already? I just want to follow in your footsteps, to be as great as you.

 

_I send a hail of burning ice on ev'ry field, on ev'ry town!_

_This was my home_

**"Hey, what's with the suit?" You said, gesturing to the one in my hands, "It looks expensive. Too bad...I'll never wear it."**

**"You should," I scoffed, "Dressing like a pauper isn't in fashion. I refuse to be seen with you if you're not dressed properly.**

**"So what's the matter?" You said with a cheeky grin, "I think the way I dress is perfectly acceptable."**

**You changed clothes and then you looked into the mirror. "See?" I said, "Dress like that, it's hard to believe you're the same person."**

**"Sure, but this isn't comfortable," You said, twisting awkwardly. I could already see you developing muscles and something clenched in my chest. You were growing up, and it was too fast for my liking. "I guess I'll just wear it on special occasions, then."**

 

**_All this pain and devastation, how it tortures me inside_ **

**_All the innocent who suffer from your stubbornness and pride!_ **

No taxation without representation- that is my people's cry. A free world, away from tyranny and Kings. Away from you, my brother.

But here's the thing that bothers me- up until recently you weren't a tyrant. You were kind, though admittedly a bit forgetful, and I loved you. I looked up to you, and I still do. I still look up to that man you used to be, that man who raised me.

The man I never imagined would be willing to go to war with me just because he couldn't bear to let me go.

 

**_I send the locusts on a wind such as the world has never seen_ **

**_On ev'ry leaf, on ev'ry stalk, until there's nothing left of green!_ **

We're barreling towards the end, England. You won some, I won some, but now you're getting tired. I can tell that I have the advantage. You have to ship all those supplies across the ocean, and your men are growing tired while my men have been trained by Prussia and are being aided by the French. 

But most of all, England, most of all your heart just isn't in it anymore. I can tell- I've always been able to tell with you.

 

_I send my scourge, I send my sword_

_Thus saith the Lord!_

I'm trapped now because of a stupid mistake on the part of my general. This is the end, though I am loath to admit it.

It's time to say goodbye.

 

_You who I called brother_

_Why must you call down another blow?_

I just realized. How did I not see this before? This is it- the place where I first met you...and it will also be the place where I leave you for good.

 

_I send my scourge, I send my scourge!_

_Let my people go!_

You lean forward, breathing hard. You aim your gun at me, the rain falling down around your face.

"Hey, Britain! All I want is my freedom!  I'm no longer a child nor your little brother. From now on, consider me independent!"

 

**_Thus saith the Lord! Thus saith the Lord!_ **

**_You who I called brother_ **

In a flash you run at me, knocking the rifle put of my hands. Your bayonet goes to my throat and silence descends, deafening in my ears. I was **so** close.

"I won't allow it..." You say, panting, and suddenly I feel that old sense of disappointment, of regret that you always used to have on your face as if you'd seen heaven and everywhere you looked you could see nothing but sin, "You idiot! Why can't you follow anything through to the end!?"

A captain behind me shouts, "Ready! Aim!" and his soldiers bring up their guns to point at you.

 

_How could you have come to hate me so?_

_Is this what you wanted?!_

I can't do it. I just can't. There's no way.

"There's no way I can shoot you. I can't."

I fall to my knees, face falling into my hands. My hot tears mix with the cold rain, forming a salty flood.

"Why? Dammit, why? It's not fair...!"

Your voice echoes from above me. "You know why."

 

**_I send the swarm, I send the horde!_ **

You look up at me, and I realize we're both crying.

"What happened?" I ask, looking down at you. You're in a pitiful state at the moment, drenched and vulnerable. In all our years together, I never saw you this way. You were always impeccably put together, always proper. You were the great British Empire. 

You always wanted the best for me, and I the only thing I wanted you couldn't give- your appreciation and time. So I guess this is the only way I can take it, and then you'll be gone.

"I remember when you were great."

 

_Then let my heart be hardened_

It's over. I've surrendered, but Benedict still fights. I guess I'll have to take care of him as well, get him to stop.

 

_And never mind how high the cost may grow _

"What's happening, England?" Benedict asks, his voice panicky.

"Everyone should be free to choose who they want to be," I said, my face turned down and away from the man who is steadfastly loyal to me, the man I had rather call my brother instead of accepting your choices, the feelings of my real brother, "I realize that now, and should have long ago." I withdraw my sword from its scabbard and turn toward Benedict. My face is full of hatred, my eyes full of anger. "You're not America. I was so desperate I accepted you as him, but you're just a shadow of his spirit. You are not a real person- you are just the apparition of a single part of America's soul. I understand now that even though he still loves me, he wants to go his separate way. Though it breaks my heart, I must let him grow up like all the rest of us. However," I bring up the point of my sword up to Benedict's throat, "If I kill you, your essence shall return to my little brother. I know how it feels to be missing a part of you. It hurts so much, and I won't let him go through such agony just so I can keep you by my side. Good bye, Benedict."

Then I heft my sword and bring it down on Benedict's neck.

 

**_This will still be so:_ **

Today I finally get my independence and Benedict disappears to God knows where. It was supposed to be the greatest day of my life, the day I finally stand up to you, my older brother, and become free. I'm supposed to feel lighter and happier. So why do I feel so guilty?

 

_I will never let your people go!_

I let you go, just as I promised myself I never would. God, I can't do anything right, can I?

But I gave you what you wanted. I hope you're happy now.

 

**_Thus saith the Lord!_ **

The whole reason I wanted independence was so I could be mature and strong like you, my big brother. I wanted to be a hero who could stand up for himself, but of course I still wanted to hang out with you. Instead, he wept. Now all I feel is empty inside. I was supposed to become a hero who helped people, but instead all I did was build a wall between me and the one person I cared about. What's the point of being the hero if it means hurting the very person you want to save?

 

_Thus saith the Lord!_

_ I will not... _

And then you're gone. How can I get you back? I'll try my best- you will always be my brother after all, but it may take a while.

I wish you strength, America.

 

**_Let my people go!_ **

I'm finished, England. I'm free. I still need to figure out exactly what that means, but I'm on my way. Focus on Canada, my brother. He's a great little brother, and I bet that he'll do a better job than me. Just keep him safe, okay?

Keep being the man I always wanted to be.

 

_ Let your people go! _

 

 

The Year of Our Lord 2000

 

"Hey, Iggy," You say with a grin, waving a bag of cheeseburgers, "It's time to go on that picnic! "

I sigh. "America, just because you're my boyfriend doesn't mean you can order me around. Remember what happened the last time either of us tried that?"

**Author's Note:**

> Please give kudos and leave comments if you liked it or just leave comments if you don't!


End file.
